Pagan Sunday

Last Sunday I had a pagan day! :-)

In the afternoon I went to the PFI pub moot in Zeist. It was great to see a lot of familiar faces, some of which I hadn't seen for quite some time! The theme was "A Day for Doreen", looking back on the Charge of the Goddess Conference in London on September 13. It was to honour and remember Doreen Valiente, 10 years after her death in September 1999. I would have loved to be there myself, but that wasn't possible so this was second best. People who have been there shared their stories and Morgana told us more about Doreen and her Charge of the Goddess. She let us hear a multilingual version of the Charge spoken by native speakers, very impressing!

On the way back from Zeist to Amsterdam (to bring two friends home) the weather was very very bad: storms with heavy rain. It was tiring for me to drive, so I was glad we arrived! I decided to stay in Amsterdam; there was no time to bring the car home. Luckily I found a parking place near the location of the shamanic training. Later in the evening when I went home I wasn't that lucky... Someone had smashed the car in the rear on the driver's side. A lot of damage (light unit and bumper) and no sign of the perpetrator. Grrr....

The shamanic training was very interesting again. We did a trance journey in which we focussed on a goal that we didn't achieve this year. Something we really wanted and tried to do, but somehow didn't seem feasible. Then we transferred it into a little candle and let it burn on the altar in the middle of our circle. As a group we did two rounds of blessing the candles.
After the break we made a journey to the realm of the elves (Alfheim). I stayed on the border and later retreated. The energy in Alfheim was too fast for me at this time. It was still a special experience!

My weekend

I've had quite an interesting weekend! Saturday started at 8am with a lesson aguajogging. I've done that for quite some years. Joke has aquaspinning lessons with me, but also continued the aquajogging. This time they could bring someone for free. It was fun!

In the afternoon Wonder picked me up to go to a lecture in bookshop Donner (book paradise of 6000 m2) in Rotterdam. The lecturer was Jacob Slavenburg: cultural historian, authority about gnosticism and related issues, translator of the complete Nag-Hammadi writings). The theme was his new book that appeared on November 1st: "Het Grote Boek der Apokriefen" (The Great Book of the Apocrypha), a comprehensive work in which virtually all Christian apocryphal and secret writings from the first four centuries have been incorporated. A very interesting subject by a great lecturer!

Sunday I attended the third evening of the shamanic training. Linda had invited a female friend she has worked with for some time. Our group was asked to do a soul retrieval ritual with and for her, a cross-over between shamanic ritual and family /systemic constellations. I had an active part. It was very impressive and most importantly I think we helped her in her process. Afterwards I felt tired but also satisfied.

Blogblast for Peace

Today I'm joining hundreds of bloggers across the world in a movement called "Blogblast For Peace". Bloggers will unite in a global cry for peace in this annual event. One day. One voice. All it takes is one post. Won't you join us?

I first participated in 2008 with a globe filled with the word "peace" in a lot of different languages. This year I chose to speak for the innocent animal victims that suffer in the name of human wars.

Blessed Samhain

Samhain blessings to you and yours!

Samhain is the witches' new year. The circle is round, the wheel turns. The veil between the worlds is thin. We remember those who have gone before, especially the ones that left us during this year's cycle... We pay respect to ancestors, family members, friends, pets and other loved ones who have died. There is room for mourning, but we also celebrate their lifes. In the dark silence you can hear the whispering of new beginnings. Balance in everything: dark-light, day-night, life-death; no one without the other...


I hope the new year brings
light to balance the darkness,
laughter instead of tears
and love to conquer all.

Rob is back to stay!

Tonight I went to the live broadcast of Robbie Williams' first live show after three years. He was opening the BBC Electric Proms in London. He played old songs and new ones from his forthcoming album Reality Killed The Video Star. This was the set list:

1. Morning Sun
2. Come Undone
3. Blasphemy
4. Starstruck
5. Feel
6. I Will Talk and Hollywood Will Listen
7. Supreme
8. Deceptacon
9. No Regrets
10. Won't Do That
11. You Know Me
12. Angels
13. Millennium
14. Video Killed The Radio StarI could see Rob was a bit nervous in the beginning, but he still is that amazing singer and entertainer! Not that I ever doubted he wasn't... ;-) I loved the show, especially when he sang the song he wrote for Ayda and she was singing back to him. Definitely a happy couple, great to see! I really like the new songs, I'm looking forward to the new album. There's a lot of hit potential in it for sure! Video Killed The Radio Star isn't on it though and that's a big miss in my opinion; the last song of the evening was a smash hit for Rob!

Just one heartfelt tip for Rob:
Please, PLEASE, find another stylist!! When you are in great shape like this you shouldn't wear baggy trousers and some vague shirt.

pictures: property of BBC Electric Proms
(to see more follow the link)

Farewell to Entrecard

Perhaps you noticed, that the Entrecard widget is no longer on my blog. I decided to quit and cancel my account.
It started off as a wonderful way of getting to know other blogs / bloggers and get some extra traffic to my blog. I've made a lot of contacts, that I'm still very happy with. I've made sure I bookmarked them all!
The last months Entrecard evolved in a way that doesn't suit me and my blog. I've waited to see whether it would change, but it didn't. The sponsor ads system started today. I don't like sponsored ads this way, but if I wish to opt-out it'll cost me $5/month or $50/ year! So I decided today was the day to stop participating.

(image copied from Crazy Working Mom & On The Bricks)

Shamanic Training

I don't want to get into it too deep, but Phyllis Curott / The Temple of Ara and I went our separate ways. I still appreciate everything I've learned, but the arranged initiations were cancelled indefinitely and the new plans of the temple didn't fit my ideas and expectations. It has been a huge disappointment, but I decided to move on... I'm still considering different options. The group Ara Lowlands will continue under a new name: Lowland Systers.

Last Sunday I started the Shamanic Training by Linda Wormhoudt in Amsterdam. It lasts until the end of this year. I know Linda from her book "Goden en sjamanen in Noordwest Europa" (Gods and shamans in northwestern Europe), which is one of my favourites.
This first meeting's theme was getting to know each other. We were with almost 20 people. I only knew 2: one of the Lowland Systers and someone I met before in a witches cafe and on the Brookberg. The group is very diverse: in age, male and female, in background. Linda told about shamanism and what we are going to do. We did several exercises to get to know each other better.

After the break we made a shamanic journey. I had difficulty getting into it. The trance was there, but I was stuck. The spirits / ancestors came to me, because I obviously couldn't come to them. They told me I have to take care of myself, insert a break when I need one, put myself first. I should meditate more. Hmm okay, I guess that's my answer concerning the roller coaster... :)

Near the end of the evening Linda asked us to put support, energy, strength etc. in a flower for a group member that couldn't be with us. She was waiting in a hospice for her father to die, they gave him up but the dying process took long. An awful situation for her, but inside me an irrational feeling of rebellion bubbled up and demanded attention. I was angry! At least she had time with him, I wished I would have had time with Leo! I decided to share it with the group and that was the right decision. At that moment I burst into tears and let it go. Linda put another flower in the circle, for me! Then everyone did their thing (rattled, sang, meditated, etc.) to charge the flowers. Because I had expressed my feelings there was room to give the other flower some energy and support too. The flower is now on my altar.

Stop this roller coaster, I want to get off!

It feels like I lost control of my life. It's a roller coaster ride gone crazy. Things keep happening, not one by one but all together. Before one thing is settled, two others just begin. Every time we try to get a grip on the situation, it only gets worse. The cycle of life is spinning out of control. The balance is lost. I don't get time to deal with everything that's happening. If you're a regular reader you know what I'm talking about, and I can't tell everything here. There's even more... And I've had enough of it! Full stop, NOW!

The last week I got a nasty cold and that forced me to let go for a while. I was exhausted and couldn't do much. Because of the coughing and sneezing I didn't sleep much at night, not very beneficial too! I'm slowly feeling better now, but to be honest I almost fear being "all better". I'm afraid it means the roller coaster gets in overdrive again. I'm so tired of it... How do I ask the universe to give us a break...?

For Joke & Leo - Forever Love

For you, because I believe your love will live on and never leave!

Goodbye Leo...

Yesterday evening completely unexpectedly my brother-in-law Leo passed away (cardiac arrest), only 55 years old... . CPR was done immediately as it happened at the gym. They tried everything possible at the gym, in the ambulance and in the hospital. Alas, it didn't work and Leo was pronounced dead around 10.15pm...

Yesterday afternoon he was with Joke at our home for my birthday, looking forward to go to the gym. Afterwards they would come back here, but instead we left the visitors to go to the gym and later the hospital. Last night and today I stayed with Joke to make all arrangements and for support. I'll be there for her for as long as she wants me to, and thereafter. Tonight she wants to be alone, so I'm home now. I let her promise to call me when she needs me. If she doesn't call, I'll go to her first thing in the morning.

How I wish Tempus (the demon of time) from Charmed really existed to manipulate time and bring back Leo. The thing I want to do most for my sister is the most impossible...

It is so unfair, so cruel, so incomprehensible. Why, why, WHY??? Why Leo???

COT #29: Freyja & Arwen

CATS ON TUESDAY is a group of cat lovers

who share pictures and/or stories about their cats once a week,
hosted by Gattina.

The cats are getting used to the idea of having Arwen around. They each have their own way. Bastet makes friends and follows Arwen, nuzzling up against her. Maia is curious but cautious, inspecting Arwen from a distance (or closer when she thinks Arwen doesn't notice). The pics show how Freyja treats the little newcomer.

I was combing Arwen on the table, when Freyja joined us to see what we were doing. She waited until I was ready and Arwen showed some interest.

touching paws

closer together

that was too close, Arwen!

okay... I'll keep my distance!

Rob is back!

Busy busy bee

Wow, raising a puppy and training her to relieve herself outside is hard work! Last Wednesday we had the first time puppy-training with Arwen. It was a lot of playing and learning while playing, but it's a start. She met a lot of different dogs: big and small, nice and not-so-nice, etc. Yesterday she had her second vaccination. She grew 1.35 kilo (3 lbs) in 1 week, although she still has diarrhoea most of the time. She got tablets Panacur for that and we're trying to regulate it by keeping her on rice and chicken for the weekend. I think keeping clean will be easier when this problem is solved. But besides the problems and fatigue we're still very very happy that she's part of our family now! She's adorable, cute, playful... our sweetie pie!
You can see more pics of her in my Facebook album "Arwen".

Last Monday was the first meeting of the aftercare group in Haarlem. Chantal and I take turns to lead the group, I started. One woman had to cancel the group, because she couldn't find a proper babysitter (she has a child with special needs); she cancelled the night before. Another didn't show up and doesn't react at all. A third woman didn't show up, but had e-mailed about it very short before we met. With the other cancellations we only have 4 women in the group now instead of 11! The women know each other from the selfhelp group they did.
All in all it wasn't a nice way to start. I started with the announcements and info. After an introduction round we took a break. After the break we tried to make an inventory of subjects to talk about, things that are still difficult to deal with, etc. We talked, but the communication didn't go smoothly. It was a bit remote, stiff. Of course this was the first time, but I noticed it made me very insecure. I was asking myself what I did wrong. Looking back I would say I didn't do anything wrong, but still... Ah well, we won't give up, it will get better!

Meet.... Arwen!

Meet the newest addition to our family! Her name is Arwen. She is an almost 8 weeks old (young) Berner Sennen (Bernese Mountaindog) pup. We picked her up today.


Last weekend we got an envelope addressed "For my mummy and daddy". Inside was the picture of four beautiful Berner Sennen pups. Rons sisters, brothers-in-law, nephews and nieces had decided to give us a pup. Not to replace Boris, that's impossible anyway, but perhaps fill part of the void he left.
My first reaction was: no, it's too early! We wouldn't have looked for another dog this soon ourselves. The gesture was very tempting though. We talked about it and decided to give it a go. I needed some days to work it out in my head, but the closer today came the more I got used to the idea and looked forward to it.
And now we are so happy to have her! She's so sweet and beautiful. Foofur and the cats are curious or ignore her. She's used to dogs and cats. She'll find her place in our household. And she will be loved (already happening)!

Aftercare group

In 2005 I did the training to be able to lead a self-help or aftercare group for people with an eating disorder. With the help of a professional health care institution and other volunteers I tried to set up a group. A self-help group started, but the aftercare for people who had Binge Eating Disorder (BED) didn't get enough participants. After a few years we decided to leave it for a while. Some weeks ago I was approached to lead a general (all eating disorders) aftercare group. I didn't have to think long! And now we are preparing to start next Monday!

I'll do the group with Chantal. We already have enough participants, because most of the self-help group wants to do an aftercare group together. With a few others the group is ready! I'm really looking forward to do this. It's a bit exciting too, I'm nervous but in a good way. There are still some things to do, but that will be okay. We'll meet fortnightly on Monday evenings from 7 till 9 PM in Haarlem.